"Strength"

OK, I'm sick of being such a whiner! Seriously, I'm starting to get on my own nerves!

I decided this morning to just suck it up and deal with it.

Let's face it, this wait for TA isn't the biggest tragedy in the world.

"Oh, poor me, I have my referral, I know who my daughter is, our adoption is official, we've been accepted and all I have left to do is wait to go". It really doesn't sound like the end of the world, does it?

I realized that things are what they are no matter WHAT I do, HOW I think, or WHAT I feel.

The way I choose to handle things has zero affect on the way things happen.

Whether I moan, complain, pout, cry or scream isn't going to make the CCAA do anything differently than they would do if I didn't act that way.

God, especially, isn't going to change. ESPECIALLY with the way I've been acting.

Think about it. You go to a store with your kid and your kid WHINES, POUTS, CRIES, SCREAMS, throws a TANTRUM because they want something. They complain to you that "you're not fair" and that they "HAVE to have this because they WANT it NOW"!

You're not very receptive to that, are you?

And, that's what I've basically been doing with God. DEMANDING that he give this to me NOW!!

I've been an A-1 brat and I'm done.

So there! :)

BARELY Hanging On!

OK, seriously, this isn't funny anymore! Today marks THREE WEEKS since we got our LOA. Yes, I do realize that we were told to expect "about a month" wait from LOA to TA, but COME ON, give me a break!
Why can't WE set a record for speed?
Why can't WE be the BEST case scenario?
why? why? why?????????
Ok, I do know why. Because I'm not in control. It's up to God and obviously He (in His wisdom) doesn't want me to have my TA right now.
[man, that is SOOO hard for me to grasp]
But, try to grasp it I will. I have no choice.

"Wait for the Lord
Be strong and take heart
And wait for the Lord"
Psalm 27:14

My Favorite Room In Our House (next to Lili's room of course!)

I've been taking pictures of our house to bring to China with us for Lili to look at. I thought maybe it would help her transition home a little better if she could familiarize herself with her surroundings (dumb?).

The above pictures are of our downstairs/guest bathroom. This was one of the last rooms in our house that we remodeled (our house was built in 1890). The pedestal tub was there and I STILL shudder to remember my husband telling me he wanted a whirlpool tub and since there was no way to get this tub out of the house, he'd have to take a sledge hammer to it !!!!!!!!!!!! Well, thankfully I got on the internet (pronto!) and found a tub restorer-guy who could come to our house and save the day. Meanwhile, hubby worked with a guy who had an old pedestal sink in his barn and let us have it for free.

So, long story short, we added the wainscotting, changed the toilet, had the tub and sink restored and a few trips to Target later---voila!

My favorite room!

Anyone Remember?

This hit me all of a sudden in the car Saturday night.

Remember "Knots Landing"?

Remember Val's mama's name?..........

Lilimae.

crap.

That's what we've been planning on calling Lili at first. Blending Lili with her Chinese name Mei. Now, seriously I couldn't STAND Val's mama. She drove me INSANE!!

Great. Now every time I think of "Lili Mei" I see "Lilimae". yech.

Interesting.....

About the name Lili, from www.kabalarians.com:
Your name of Lili contains many fine qualities: musical and artistic ability, good business judgment, and a sense of responsibility for the welfare of others. This makes you warm-hearted and understanding in your response to the needs and interests of those around you.
You are always ready to help those in less fortunate circumstances.
Your insistence on becoming involved in the affairs of others can cause them to regard you as interfering, even though you are only trying to help.
A weakness lies in the fact that you are deeply affected through your feeling for others and could suffer through worry and disturbed thoughts over matters that you can do nothing about.
While you have an appreciation for the finer things of life and could be successful along inspirational as well as business or professional lines of endeavour, there is a tendency to become involved in the needs and interests of others to the detriment of your own progress.
Home and family are important to you and you desire to establish a settled home environment where you can enjoy the congenial companionship of friends and family.
Mental tension could result through worrying too much over your problems or the problems of others, with an adverse effect on your nervous system.

I went to our doctor today and got our prescription meds for China.
He's such a nice guy, I totally felt like I was taking advantage of him!
"Could we get this.......and this........oh, and this"! He wrote every prescription though without question. whew. Glad that's over with.
I've been doing a little more packing/organizing. We have 3 gallon sized ziplock bags filled just with OTC medications! I went today and bought cough/cold, allergy, decongestants. Unbelieveable!! I haven't even gotten the prescription stuff yet!
Oh, believe me I KNOW we're getting stopped by airport security! That's why I'm wearing flip flops, a tank top and cotton stretch pants. No pockets, no metal.
Now if we could just get that frickin' TA.....................

Why?

"On the street I saw a small girl, cold and shivering in a thin dress,

with little hope of a decent meal.

I became angry and said to God:

"Why did you permit this? Why don't you do something about it?"

For a while God said nothing.

That night he replied, quite subtlety

"I certainly did do something about it. I made you.'"

Author Unknown

No TA For Us

I saw that some people from our LOA group (6/6-6/8) got their TAs yesterday.
We didn't.
I don't like being skipped.
But! Our agency said we should get TA in about a month from LOA, so I figured we had another 2 weeks to go anyway.
This (I hope!) is the "easy" part of the wait, if there is such a thing!
We're on day 15 of our wait from LOA, so we should almost be there!! please God?? :)

OK-----Let's Go!!

We just got our visas. We're all set to go.

Umm, except for the plane tickets, money and approval of the Chinese government......OK, guess we'll wait!!

It's been 13 days since our LOA. TA usually comes within about 30 days of LOA, so maybe only a couple more weeks to wait! :O :O

I'm starting to freak out a little bit. Believe me, I want to BE there, I just don't want to GET there, know what I mean?

Our Video Camera

We finally got our video camera yesterday. yay!
It's the JVC Everio GZ MG130.
We think we love it (we haven't had time to actually do anything with it yet!)
We can't believe how TEENY TINY it is! The last video cam we bought was like 10-12 years ago and we couldn't stand lugging it around. This one is actually smaller than our digital camera. It has a shoulder strap, which should work perfectly. We decided we didn't want a case for it, too much extra baggage.
We do need to get an extra battery. The one it came with only records 1.5 hours. I think we're getting the 3 or 4 hour one.
So, we're just about set for our trip.
Next stop, TA!!

OK, so it's only been ELEVEN days since we got our LOA, but why put off packing until the last minute? Especially Lili's packing, it's not like she's going to miss anything being packed away. So, here's the list of things I plan on taking for her (yes, just her!) So much for traveling light!!

1. cotton shorts (with elastic/adjustable waist)-5 pair
2. cotton t-shirts-5
3. dresses-3
4. underwear (in a variety of sizes!)-8 pair
5. pajamas (WONDERFUL 3 piece sets with shirt, shorts and pants)-2 (she can wear them as outfits if need be)
6. socks (variety of sizes)-3 pair
7. zippered sweatshirt-1
8. pull ups (just in case for the plane ride, nighttime--may be needed because of stress)-12
9. plastic toddler sized spoons and forks
10. spill-proof cup with a pop-up straw (Brett LOVED his!)-1
11. thick oatmeal lotion-1 tube
12. watermelon-strawberry (!) shampoo-2 oz.
13. prescription meds (Elimite for scabies, Antibiotic)
14. medications (Tylenol, cold/cough, flu, anti-diarrheal, sunscreen, Pedialyte powder)
15. hair accessories--tiny clips, headbands, Hello Kitty barettes (which will fit because I tried them on my son who has the SAME haircut as Lili!!) :)
16. ladybug backpack filled with toys, etc. (bubbles, crayons, coloring books, stickers, sunglasses, Polly Pockets, flashcards, etc.)
17. cheerios and Hello Kitty fruitsnacks
18. raincoat (rainy season in Guangzhou!!)
19. Ling Language Littles doll (speaks Chinese and English)
20. Leap Frog "Lily" counting plush ("Hi, I'm Lily"!)
21. toddler toothbrush and toothpaste
22. bathing suit
23. Lili's own Disney Princess camera with photo album and stickers
24. bracelets that I made for her
25. toddler wipes
26. the same Mickey Mouse doll as we sent her in her care package (we've been sleeping with it for a week so far)
27. blanket (I'm going to use it on the plane ride there!)

OK, I'm sure I'll come across some other things she just HAS to have, but this is what I have so far. Any other suggestions?

Happy Father's Day!

What Is A Dad?

A dad is someone who wants to catch you before you fall

but instead picks you up, brushes you off, and lets you try again.
A dad is someone who wants to keep you from making mistakes

but instead lets you find your own way,

even though his heart breaks in silence when you get hurt.

A dad is someone who holds you when you cry, scolds you when you break the rules,

shines with pride when you succeed, and has faith in you even when you fail...

Dad, you're everything a dad should be and some.

By Susan Ceylise

GRRRR

I just read that the CCAA is in the US. Someone said this means that LOAs will not be sent for a few weeks. I'm assuming this ALSO means that TAs will take a few weeks longer than they should. :(
It seems like this kind of thing ALWAYS happens to us.
When we got our I171-H, our agency's dossier lady was out of the country for 2 weeks, which delayed our DTC.
When we got our referral, Jeff was out of town, delaying our LOI for 8 days.
Our social worker is going out of town the first week in July, when we may possibly receive our TA.
sigh....

Month #3 Since Referral......ugh.

Today marks 3 MONTHS since Lili's referral. I honestly didn't think I'd last this long.

I have to say that receiving the LOA really did help. If we didn't at least have that right now, I would NOT be in a good place. But you know what? Waiting for TA is just about as hard as waiting for LOA! (I'm never satisfied, am I?) :)

It does help that we're coming to a conclusion. I can almost say with confidence that in 2 months we should be with Lili. It's hard to train yourself to say ANYTHING with confidence after going through the China adoption process! But, it seems that most people with LOA are looking forward to travel within a few weeks, so I'll go along with that.

maybe!

Size Doesn't Matter!!

OK, I know. I have NO idea what size Lili's wrist is. But! I do have a son (hee hee). These were too small on his wrist, so I'll take a shot and see if they fit her. It only took me a few minutes to make them, so no big loss if they don't fit. I'll just make them smaller when we get home.

I think every girl should have some bling!

(and I know I need to change the date on my camera! I keep forgetting to do it after I put the new batteries in.)

For What It's Worth....

Today marks our 9th month since LID.
I know it doesn't mean anything, but it's hard to let it go.
The past 9 months have really gone quite quickly. I just can't imagine having to wait maybe FOUR TIMES that! I can't imagine only being a QUARTER of the way through the wait. Unfortunately, it looks like that would be a reality. People are saying the wait will be three years soon.
How sad.
My heart goes out to all the waiting families and especially the waiting babies/children.


Psalm 27:14
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD

So when should I start packing??

I've been reading that many people from the LOA group before ours (5/15-5/18) are getting their TAs today!

One person is scheduled to leave Friday. THIS!! FRIDAY!!! :O :O :O

Whoa!

They got their TAs in about 4 weeks.

So, should we seriously bring up the suitcases from the basement now?

Should we start making lists and "practice" pack?

Lili's stuff is obviously easier to get together than our stuff. We won't be able to pack Brett's stuff till the night before. Ack!

Now I'm starting to freak out!! I'm sure the case of the person leaving in 4 days is rare. I'm banking on having a couple weeks notice to travel. But what if I don't??

Can I do this?!?!

Seriously, I need your advice.

Help!!

PRTP--PTSD (Post Referral Travel Packet--Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Wow!! One year ago, we were getting our dossier together. TONS of paperwork ALL OVER the dining room table. Well, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Today there's TONS of paperwork ALL OVER the dining room table!!

I'm working on our Visa applications right now. I don't know about you, but staring at a blank form causes some major anxiety for me. Every question, every section causes me to overthink every little detail. I finally broke down and called the courier service in DC. They lady was SO nice, she helped me out tremendously. So, I think it'll be OK.

We should be able to send those out tomorrow. With our passports! Our ORIGINAL-if-anything-happens-to-them-I'll-DIE-passports!! eek!

I'm also in the middle of downloading all our government forms that we need to take to China. Since we never received the "Brown Envelope", we need to get these forms ourselves.

(the Brown Envelope is something some families receive from some Chinese Embassy/Consulate from China or US with all the government forms to take to China----don't know much about it because we never got it!)

Some forms won't come up on the computer at all, others Adobe doesn't recognize the font (HELLO!) :O

So, I had to email our agency to have them mail those forms to us. ugh.

I seriously cannot wait till Lili is home and she's ours and all this paperwork and China adoption stuff is over with!! I cannot wait until it doesn't matter to me what the CCAA is doing, or immigration is doing........

But then, I'll probably be a little let down. This whole thing I've been wrapped up in for the last almost 2 years has totally consumed me. It'll be weird not to feel compelled to check the agency's site, or the rumor sites, or the CCAA site. I'm sure it'll always be a part of me, but it won't be all-consuming.

weird.

Aww!

I made these shirts for Brett and Lili on the computer.
They're not the most professional looking things in the world, but they'll be good enough for a quick picture in China.
Brett's getting more and more excited about the whole thing.
Poor kid, he's been hearing about "having a sister" for a year and a half!
He was right there listening to the "LOA voicemail" with me and gasping and cheering too, even did a little dance!
What a good "Ge Ge" he's going to be!!

By the way, we went camping yesterday. TENT camping. We know how to rough it!! We only watched ONE dvd the whole time we were there!! (thank goodness for 50ft. extension cords!) :)
Man, it's good to be home!!

"These Are a Few of My Favorite Things"

OK, seriously, these aren't even HALF of the clothes in Lil's closet. Over the past 12 weeks, I've entertained myself by putting her little outfits together and looking at them. I even have them coordinated in her closet, paired into shirt/short/pants combinations. (yeah, I know)

So, I thought I'd take pictures of them and put them here for everyone to share.

Her clothes range from 2t to 5. And I swear some of the 5s are actually smaller than the 2ts. Jeff told me to back off on buying clothes, especially since we didn't know when we were going to travel. If we weren't getting home until mid/late September, we really can't wear the shorts anymore. OK, alright.

So then I started to buy things for her "for when she gets home"/"fall things"/"things she can wear year round". This seemed to appease Jeff, so off I went again! But, seriously, when you see something so ADORABLE for 50-75% off, HOW can you in good conscience pass it up?

A penny saved is a penny earned! (and I don't mean it literally like some people, where saving it means not spending it, I mean it in the logical way....you have to spend money to make money!!) :)

Trish! This is for you!!!! :)

HIP HIP HOORAY---------WE GOT OUR LOA!!!!!!!

I am SO INSANELY HAPPY!!

Our Social Worker called this morning at 11:00am. We, of course, were not home. So I got the voicemail at 2:00pm. Our LOA is at our agency's national office and is being overnighted to us. We will receive it tomorrow. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am THRILLED!!

Get this---Jeff was scheduled to be on another business trip this week! Can you imagine him being gone AGAIN at a time like this? Having to wait until MONDAY to return this paperwork? I guess God in all His wisdom realized that would just be TOO cruel!!

So, we'll sign the LOA and overnight it back to our agency tomorrow.

We also found out that we need to apply for our visas now! OK, now I'm scared. I don't want to do this anymore!! :)

We will also be getting our "post referral travel packet" tomorrow filled with all the insane amount of paperwork we have to look forward to again! Bring. it. on.

Here's where we stand:

It looks like we have about another month's wait for our TA (travel approval)

After we receive TA, we'll probably have another 2-4 week wait before we go to China. Our agency will also schedule our CA (consulate appt. in China)

After our CA is confirmed, we'll get our travel itinerary

Then "Ni Hao" China!!

Yippee!!

Something to Ponder

I found this on another adoption blog and thought I'd post it here.
It struck a chord with me. It was posted by someone who was waiting, wondering and worrying about her LOA!

SPECIAL SAUCE

I was sitting at the drive-through window at McDonald's this weekend. I did the usual thing; I drove up to the menu and ordered.
I proceeded to the first window and paid, then drove to the second window and waited for the order. After sitting there for a few minutes, the clerk slid back the window and asked, "Will you please pull over to the side; your order is not ready."
I was a little upset and even impatient, but I pulled over and waited. I thought, "How come other folks ordered and drove straight through and I have to wait." I waited for another two or three minutes. It seemed like hours. Just as I was about to give up and drive away, the clerk finally ran out, tapped on the window, and handed me the order. Of course I asked , "Hey, what took so long?" She replied, "You wanted the Special Sauce, which meant that it had to be specially made for the sandwich, it doesn't usually come with that one."
This scene is a reflection of our prayer life. We made our request to the Lord.
Our menu is His word, where He has listed promise after promise. We stand before Him and request and plead and, sometimes, even beg.
We go to the first window and pay, sometimes with fervent prayer, sometimes with prolonged suffering, sometimes with obedience, and sometimes not at all. We then move to the second window and wait for our order. If God doesn't answer within a few minutes, we become upset. You know the phrase, "Jesus, it's 5:00 p.m. Friday; I prayed to You yesterday, and You still haven't answered. I can't wait much longer."
Why is it taking Him so long? I've seen people drive up before me and they received their orders right away! We even go so far as to tap on the window and ask if He has forgotten our order. We become impatient. We become upset. We become downright mad.
Lord, I asked for a mate ten days ago and I don't see him/her anywhere.
Lord, I've been asking for a new job for two years; others have passed me by!
I've been waiting on a financial blessing for ten years; others have passed me by!
Where are You and why haven't you blessed me?
Just when you think He is giving you the answer, He pulls back the royal curtain of Eternity, and states, "Please pull over to the side and wait a while longer."
This one frustrated me to no end, made me mad, made me want to give up, made me want to holler; that is, until the clerk brought out my sandwich...Then, the revelation became clear.
Do you know why the Lord has put you on the side?
Do you know why you have had to wait for this blessing longer than before?
Do you know why He has put you through more this time than ever?
Do you know why it seems like you have had to go through more tears, more pains, and more struggling this time? Because this blessing is a Special Sauce Blessing! This is an Overflowing, Pressed Down, and Shaken Together Blessing!
You made a Special Order and God has been putting together a Special Sauce Blessing for you and He has to prepare it for you!
That mate you wanted ... He's putting together a Special Sauce!That job you wanted . . . He's putting together a Special Sauce!That financial blessing . . . He's putting together a Special Sauce!
That peace on the job . . . He's putting together a Special Sauce!
That deeper anointing . . . He's putting together a Special Sauce!
That promotion . . . . He's putting together a Special Sauce!
That Baby Girl.......... He's putting together a Special Sauce!
For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you hope and a future......Jeremiah 29:11.
How many people have driven away before the clerk brought their food, and how many people have missed their blessings because they did not wait?
Hang on in there. Keep on waiting. You made a Special Order, now wait on God's Special Sauce!"
But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint."...Isaiah 40:31.
They who wait shall receive a Special Sauce!

Positive Thinking!

OK, I know I've been a downer lately. This waiting, wondering and worrying is REALLY getting to me. I know I don't have anything to worry about. That is, worrying doesn't help anything. I know that. All I have to do is wait. Which is like telling me all I have to do is jump out of an airplane. naked. on live TV. Not a comforting prospect for me.

So, I'm just going to focus on all the GOOD things in my life. I'm going to find joy in the normal, boring-ness of everyday life while it lasts.

I am blessed and I need to remember that!

hrmph......

This has been the LONGEST week ever! I have no idea why.
Monday didn't even count because it was a holiday.
My last day of work was Tuesday.
I even got gifts, accolades and free lunch on Wednesday.
I had really pinned my hopes on this summer going quickly (as it always does).
Maybe I'm just psyching myself out. I don't know, but this week sucked.