Had Myself a Merry Little Christmas

Well, Christmas is over. That's always sad for me. The only thing that makes it a little more tolerable is 2 weeks vacation. Not that we're going anywhere, but that's fine with me. I'll save up all my traveling blues for the trip to China.
We had a very nice Christmas, as always. I got a lot of ladybug stuff and baby stuff too. I got some things for the nursery--bedding, curtains, crib bumper. Some things for Lili--onesies, socks, shoes. Some things for me--ladybug necklace, Asian scrapbook items, diaper bag.
And I just wonder what next Christmas will be like? Will the wait have worn on everyone (not just us) by then? Will the excitment have waned? Will anyone even really believe we will ever have our baby? It scares me. Time really does have an affect on people. Will we all be hardened by the wait? Will there be a spirit of defeat? I don't know. All we can do is WAIT and see.
I've been leary to buy anymore clothing for Lili. I really don't know how old she'll be. We know that anything over 3 or 4 is just too old for us. I don't want to have her come home and then go straight to school. I really want an infant, but we're opening up more and more to special needs. I guess, mainly because the wait time's so long. That's terrible to say. Like the only reason we are open to it is because we're impatient. But, maybe that's the main reason. I don't know. We'll just have to WAIT and see (!)
Oh well. I guess I'm just in a reflective mood. I'm consumed with the wonder of what Christmas 2007 will bring----if anything.
By the way, I'm really glad I sent out the adoption newsletter. I've gotten a lot of positive comments about it. People have been really receptive and more understanding. So, good. I'm glad I did it.
Here's hoping that 2007 will really put a fire under the CCAA and many people's baby dreams come true!

December--Month # 3

December 13th---we have been LID for 3 months today.
Man, I remember when that used to MEAN something.
At one point, it meant that you were halfway done with the wait. Then, a third of the way done, I'd even take a FOURTH of the way. But, at this point in time, we'll be lucky if it means we're a tenth of the way done. But, what are you going to do? We're in it now, no backing down, no pulling out....so, we wait.
I sent out a "family newsletter" with the Christmas cards this year. I HATE family newsletters and have never envisioned myself as one of those self important people who are so fabulously busy they can't possibly put pen to paper and scrawl a personal message once a year.....................
......but I digress.
I figured that I'd just give everyone a brief history up till now in our adoption process. Hopefully it will also pre-empt those "Have you heard anything yet?" questions. Like China is just going to call us one day and we'll go. I guess domestic adoption can be that way, but not China, folks.
So, the letters are out there. Believe me, I could teach a class on China adoptions, but I tried to fit it all on one page and not utterly confuse everyone. Hopefully, people will understand it all. And hopefully, more than anything, I won't have to write another one next Christmas. Hopefully our Christmas card will be the FOUR OF US happily ever after!! (a girl can hope, can't she?)
Well, only 7 more days of school till Christmas vacation. Then when we get back, I get to tell my bosses that I'm not coming back next year!!!! YAY!! I cannot wait to get out of here! I think there's something like 105-or-so days left of school. Not like I'm counting the days or anything!!
Anyway, tonight is "CHINESE FOOD NIGHT". The 13th of every month we're eating Chinese food in honor of our LID. Silly? probably. But it's all I've got right now.

It's beginning to look a lot like CHRISTmas

Wow! November and December always just fly by----now that I'm an adult anyway.
I remember being a kid, waiting in November for my birthday, then waiting another month and 1/2 for Christmas. Just waiting for presents. That was my responsibility.
Now that I'm on the OTHER end of the present spectrum, there's not a whole lot of time to get it all done.
Just yesterday I addressed my Christmas cards and bought the special family cards (parents, grandma, grandpa, etc.) I always have to make a list of what special cards I need, there's probably at least a dozen of them. And cards ain't cheap!!! Neither are the stamps to mail them. Have to set aside Christmas money just for that. sheesh. Oh well, holiday spirit and all.
This year I sent out a "news letter". Actually a "NO news letter" is more like it. It describes our adoption journey in a nutshell up to this point. There was actually some pretty interesting stuff going on....up to this point.
I SINCERELY HOPE that I DO NOT need to send out another news letter next year. I guess I could just do a post-script "refer to last year's letter".
I hope and pray that next Christmas, we either have our referral picture or our actual daughter in a family picture to send out. But, crap, we just don't know, do we? I mean, we have NO idea if we're going to be seeing our babies in 2007, 2008, 2009........and THAT'S REALLY WHAT GETS ME!!! If I just knew what our wait was going to be, fine. Even give or take 1 or 2 months. But this not knowing if it's going to speed up, stabilize, slow down, double or triple is the real killer! If I just knew I'd have to wait 2 years guaranteed, OK, not the best scenario, but I know what I'm in for and what to plan for.
I guess that's the gist of it, I'm a planner. I like to know when to expect what. However, in direct conflict with my own thinking is God's plan.
Nothing is guaranteed.
Even if the wait time was at 6 months for the last 10 years, it's still not guaranteed.
The only thing that's guaranteed is that God is in control and He has my life mapped out for me. And that's that. No matter what I like to think, I just have to go along for the ride. The only thing I have control over is praying, and boy do I. I've never prayed so much in my life!!!! It seems like every time I have a second I'm praying for Lili. I'm praying for God to move mountains. And when I really focus on God and what's in my heart, I have peace and I realize that every day WITHOUT Lili is a day CLOSER to Lili.
That's all I have right now, and most days it's enough.
Thank God for that.