"Blurry"

"I wonder what you're doing, I wonder where you are.
There's oceans in between us, but that's not very far."
---"Blurry" by Puddle of Mudd
I heard that song today when I was at work.
UGH!! I really do try not to think about what Lili's doing at any given time of day. Like right now, she should just about be waking up. (we were told she wakes up at 7am) When we're getting ready for bed, what is she doing? When I get up in the middle of the night, it's the middle of the day where she is. What is she doing? When I'm getting ready for work, she's getting ready for bed.
But, really, I try not to think about it!! :)
I figured our care package will get there by the end of next week.
Dear God how I wish I was there to see her open it.
Will she smile? I don't even know what her smile looks like.
Will it make it harder on her to face the change that's coming? Will it make it harder on her to have to wait? Will she be scared? I'm scared.
I really am. If I was pregnant, I'd be scared. When I was pregnant, I was scared. You just get so used to the waiting. You get used to the journey and begin to fear the destination.
There's A LOT of adjustment ahead for every single person in our lives. Even our pets. And, to be honest, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night wondering why we're putting ourselves through this.
Wasn't our life pretty good the way it was?
And then I get up and I look at one of the 86 copies of our pictures of Lili and I realize why we're doing this! And it hits me. This isn't just some cute little anonymous girl. This is OUR DAUGHTER! It still knocks me flat. Unbelieveable!