HAPPY BIRTHDAY LILI!!

It's 8:00am Tuesday in China right now. Lili's 4th birthday.

I cannot believe that my daughter who I now love with all my heart has already lived 3 years and I didn't even know it!

Last week, I didn't even know she was my daughter.

I have to say that I could imagine her being my daughter, but it wasn't a fact. I remember when I saw her picture, being struck by her hands holding that ball. I thought "one day I'm going to hold those hands". Weird, I know. I didn't think about her eyes or her smile or anything else. I was just struck by her hands. I don't know why, but I could feel them in mine.

It breaks my heart to think of all the times that I wasn't there for her.

Did she even know she needed me?

I've been praying for God to prepare her heart for us. I want Him to instill a sense of peace in her. For her to know that it's all going to turn out OK and she is loved.

I want to put joy into those big beautiful eyes!

Happy Birthday Lili.

Love, Mommy